The Real "Jayne"

This is not a new song but a favorite of mine.  A friend from junior high and I were "chatting" on facebook the other day about friendships.  I have had this same conversation many a times with another one of my oldest and dearest friends, Tiffany.  The older I get, the number of people you consider a friend seems to dwindle.

I have struggled, as maybe you have too, of being REAL.  I am guilty of hiding in the shadows, keeping parts of myself a secret from others out of fear.  There are very few people that I would dare say know the real Jayne.  In the last few years, I have begun to realize that God has blessed me with people around me who will still love and accept me, even if they see the real me!  It's crazy to think that at 36, I am more confident and comfortable with who I am and in knowing who that really is than I have ever been before.  There is a peace and calm that comes from knowing that you live inside your real skin at all times.  I was sharing with that facebook friend that being real back in the day was a little easier.  I wasn't jaded and insecure.  To think that at 12 and 13 she saw the real me as opposed to those I called friends in my 20's is kind of hilarious.

I love this song because it talks about how God sees the real me, the one trying to hide, the one who sometimes wears a mask, the one who feels as if everything around might crumble and break.  It humbly asks the Lord to slowly let the mask, the insecurities, the fears come down.  He sees a wonderful, beautiful creation when He looks at us.  He is taking the tattered pieces of our lives and weaving them together into a beautiful tapestry.

Oh God, that I would see me the way You see me!  That I can rest in and have confidence in the woman that You have created.  That I can let my walls down and take the masks off.  That I can continue to live and breathe in my own skin.  That I would stay on a path of acceptance, security, love, peace, and trust in You and the work You are doing in me!  Unveil me completely Lord!

Hannah, Tiffany, Michelle, Amy, and me in Jr High!

Hello Friends!

I wish I could say that I am coming back to the world of blogging, but alas, I cannot make such a promise. I came across my old page and realized that an update was in order.

That song still gets to me, but thankfully is still true, now a year later. God is still shouting out to me, "I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you tomorrow. When the world breaks you down, I will give you strength to stand. Look to me, take my hand, and just believe."

Sometimes I can't believe more than a year has passed, other times it feels as if it all came crashing down yesterday, and as in today, the reminders around me are great. I would not wish my life on anyone, but to say that I wish it never happened wouldn't be true. I know that I am not the same woman today, and for that I am grateful. To those of you who have prayed for me, laughed and cried with me, hugged me when there were no words, called to check in, prayed some more, encouraged me, etc., many thanks! God has been truly faithful and by my side, never wavering. I am doing more than existing, I am truly living life to it's fullest. Thus the new title of my blog. I steal away all the precious moments I can out of life and make sure that I don't just steal them but that I am purposeful in creating them for myself and for Grayson.

I still have no idea where God is taking Grayson and I, but I have both of my feet planted firmly on a path and they WILL NOT WAVER!! I stand on the road to freedom, to truth, to love in all it's forms, to commitment, to honesty, to a life well-lived, to financial peace and security. It is definitely a road I never intended to be on, but that is not something I dwell on at all. I MUST LIVE in reality. God blessed me with a wonderful counselor who has brought me to the place where I can actually SEE the reality around me. It terrifies me, thrills me, makes my heart groan in agony, and gives me incredible hope for the things to come!

I am one year into my full-time job in the working world of CHildren's Ministry. This has been an absolute blessing in my life. I see it as God's gift to me during the upheaval in my personal life. The girl who ran from Religion Hall, who did not want to marry anyone going into ministry, the one who felt not worthy, God is giving me exactly what I never wanted and I am learning and growing in ways unimaginable! I love going to work every day. And although it's hard to be a single working mom, my job makes it as easy as possible. Grayson loves coming to work with me and is learning at such a young impresionable age what ministry and service in the church looks like. He is learning to BE the church NOW!

Hopefully I won't wait a year until posting again, but until that time, blessings to you my friends in blogger-land. May you see God's hand in your lives and expereince His touch daily!

Love and Prayers,
Jayne

Vacation in the Burg

I took some much needed days off and Grayson and I went to spend time with our family in the Burg! I know, we live at the Beach, and vacationed in the Burg. But where family is, there is great relaxation to be had by all! Grayson has become an a great swimmer, almost out of the blue. Just like last summer he was worried about jumping off of the diving board, but this summer he accomplished it without plugging a nose, goggles, or swimmies!!

Love the way the fabulous camera captures all of it's stages!

Loved You Then

It's probably no surprise to anyone that knows me that music can get to me like no other. When I'm happy, I whistle or sing a tune. When I'm sad, I like to listen to worship music, classical, or some "fun" music. I love to be in the car by myself, on a roadtrip, windows down and sunroof open, music blaring so loud that it drowns out the wind and me as I sing at the top of my lungs. I have songs that mark certain times in my life or songs that remind me of certain people. And in church on Sunday, I am easily brought into the presence of God by good worship!!


One of my new favorite groups is 33 Miles. They are a Christian group, but have that country-ish sound. I call them my Christian Rascal Flatts. Anyways, my new song you're listening to is from them. I think it's on their second album. As I listened to this song for the first time, it was through many tears streaming down my cheeks. Even now, hearing it for the umpteenth time, the message of the song gets to me. Every person can use the message of this song, maybe not right now, but look out! As a Christian we are not promised a perfect life and mine is far from that right now! But what God does promise each of us is that as the struggles and pain comes our way, He promises to be there right beside us guiding, leading, loving, surprising us with His peace and presence. As I listen to the chorus, I imagine that God is speaking directly to me and I imagine that these are words that He would be speaking into my life right now. Do you hear Him talking to you today? Even if you need a quick reminder, He's talking to you and saying... "I loved you then, I love you now, I will love tomorrow. When this world breaks you down, I will give you strength to stand. Look to Me, take My hand and just believe...before this day ever began, I loved you then!!"

God, on this journey of life, thank you for giving me reminders like this that constantly play in my mind and heart. I am ever surrounded by Your promises and grateful that the God of my childhood and early beliefs is that same God that is here with me in my mid-30's. It's even better though because I do have the pain and struggles and storms of life that have come my way that deepen my faith, give me a new glimpse into who You are, and allow me to appreciate the way You love, the way You protect and care for, and the way You're always on my side and in my corner, fighting for me and over me. Oh that I may continue to be reminded and show others that You are the reason for strength and grace and peace and quiet calm. I am ever grateful for Your reminders of love that come in all forms!! I am looking, I am taking that hand and grasping on for dear life, and I believe that what one of my favorite worship songs says is true: You are God and You are good. (And for you LU people let me hear you...God is good-all the time-and all the time-God is good!!)

Yes, Again!!

We are Busch Gardens fiends, and definitely in these pre-season quiet days before the craziness begins. They are only open on the weekends right now so I had planned to take Grayson up there as soon as school got out. With him being my only child and a five-year old non-napper at that, it's easy to pick up and go on my own. We ate lunch in the car on the way, stoppd by the outlets to get some church sandals for the summer and off we went. I thought we would only stay for a few hours, but we called Daddy to tell him we were having too much fun and we were going to stay until closing!!

The first thing we always do is ride the train, but today we had one mission in mind...to ride the Alpine Express roller coaster with Grover. Grayson was scared as he always is doing something new, to the point that we almost got out of line. We hunkered down for our ride and awaited the green light. I must admit that I even had the butterflies of anticipation!! It was an absolute blast! Grayson made sure I held on tight down the first hill, but after that, he said to let go and we giggled for the whole 30 seconds that the ride lasted!!! We proceeded to get back in line, and because it wasn't busy, we literally rode 5 times in a row. WHEW!!

We left from there to go to Oscar's Whirly Worm ride. I knew just by looking at it that it was going to do me in, but I rode once anyways because it was Grayson's first time. Yeah, I almost lost lunch and dealt with the woozy head for a while afterwards. Grayson had so much fun though that he rode by himself 3 more times, every time sitting with someone new and talking to them and laughing the whole time!! Does that sound at all like our Grayson?! Not until preschool and another year got hold of him. He has grown so much in this last year, but that's for another posting.

He said no way to the King Elmo free-drop ride, which I was totally okay with passing by!! We did all of our other usual favorites and then sat down to BBQ over by the Griffon. We finished our day riding the train circuit around 2 times. As we were heading out he asked if there was time to do the roller coaster again, and there was so off we went. There was no line at all so we rode once and then he asked to ride all by himself!! I wasn't sure how he would do, but I proudly waited on the wrong side of the fence as he went in all by himself, waited in line all by himself, chose his seat all by himself, buckled in all by himself, and smiled so big the camera forgot to capture the moment!! (Am I sounding like a broken Mercer Mayer book?!) And yes, he rode all by himself...5 times in a row!!! He even had the privelege of being the last ride for the day, which of course meant they all got to stay on for one last, last ride!!

What a day, and we just might do it again this Friday as soon as school is out!!

"T" Party

Grayson studied the letter "t" last week in school. Along with reading Miss Spider's Tea Party, they planned to actually have a "t" or tea party at school on Friday. We were all asked to bring in bite-sized food/snacks perfectly fit for a tea party, the children were asked to wear their Sunday best clothes, and each child was to bring a tea cup from home.

I made cute little sandwiches (peanut butter and jelly and turkey and cheese) cut into small squares and triangle wedges, I let Grayson choose one of my "special" tea cups, and we laid out his Sunday clothes even though he would have to wear tennis shoes as he also had PE on Friday!!

It was the cutest thing ever!! I popped in to take some pictures and it was quite a sight. The little girls all had on costume jewelry, well the boys did too!! Grayson was one of the only ones whose parent was brave enough to actually send in a real tea cup!!

What a great time!! He still talks about it and prays to thank God for his special "T" party!!

Almost Here!!

The weather here has been beautiful lately. Not incredibly warm, but warm enough to say let's get outside and play!! Last Saturday was one of those days where it was a spontaneous day to say, the sun is out, we have nothing better to do, so let's go dig in the sand. Grayson and I packed up and headed to our favorite out-of-the-way beach spot (thanks Sue!!). We love it there. It's not crowded at all, there's always a close spot to park with immediate beach access, you get all the comforts of the oceanfront with none of the crowds and the "scary" waves as Grayson would say.

We began by being gardeners. We dug 2 holes and "planted" trees. Our trees were twigs gratefully left by the neighbors who were just raking out their yard!! We then built a sandcastle together...my favorite thing to do at the beach! Grayson drove his dump truck around a little bit. And then we dug holes with our 2 good shovels. We didn't dig to CHina but it was enough for Grayson to sit in at least. I promised a body-sized hole when the warmer weather arrived and we catually got in the water.

YES, he doesn't exactly have the shovelling down to an exact science...he had sand all in his hair!!

We finished our day with snacks and a walk to collect some seashells. What a perfect day, and the best part is he slept really great that night!!