Learning to listen and listening to learn

It is so very interesting to me that the events of the past month or so of my life all seem to be coming together with similarities.  Conversations, books read, professional experiences, and personal journey are all coming together to the point that it just makes me stop and say, "Okay Lord...I don't exactly what is going on here, but I'm willing to learn...I'm listening".  I'm not sure what this all means, but in order to learn what is necessary you need to pause and stop long enough to listen.  It cannot be a coincidence that all of these things are happening at the same exact moment in time.

It almost feels like a crossroads to me, a point that I do not want to skip over, a moment in time that I want to pause long enough to catch it all, whatever that may be.  Do you ever get the feeling as if you are on the verge of a breakthrough or something is about to happen, even if you are the only one who sees it or notices it?!  I just get the feeling that I'm at one of those points in time and I feel more than ever that there is something here for me to learn, something big to take away, a new "arm" to my path and journey that maybe I wasn't expecting!!  It's so exciting, scary, and filled with hope and anticipation for all the possibility that may lie ahead!  I don't want to miss anything.  I want to grow, to change, to be challenged (oh no, did I just say that!), to become more than what I dream of for myself, to explore new possibilities.  I may be in my mid-30s but life is just beginning for me.  There is so much of life that I want to experience.

I know with absolute certainty that God ordered my steps for me to be in this place and at this time.  It makes this time in my life that much more special, real, important.  I must and will learn to listen so that I can truly hear and respond.

God, for whatever this means on the journey of life that you are taking me and Grayson, I am listening and waiting.  My heart is full with expectation and anticipation!

Where did that come from?

Have you ever been attacked and wondered why and how and where it came from?  Worst of all ... is it true and founded??  Is that how I am perceived, is that who I really am?!  It's debilitating, it sucks the life out of you, it makes you second guess everything, it makes your mind wander endlessly, it poses so many questions that you may never know the answer to!

But then you have to stop and break it all down.  You need to return to the beginning.  Who am I?  Who did God create me to be?  Am I living in reality?  Do I speak the truth?  Am I real with people or do I have walls up around me?  The answers are I am a child of God, a daughter of the King, a daughter, sister, friend, mother, and servant in the local church.  Those people that know me best can give me the answers I need.  They would all reiterate that I am grounded, that I live and breathe what I believe, that I am genuine (admitting that all days are not good days!), that I am deeply flawed but trying each day to become more like Christ.  I am grounded and rooted deeply in reality, I know no other way to exist!  I only speak the truth or I shut my mouth, and as best as I can, I have and give grace where it is needed.  I also know my limits, my boundaries and when they are being breached.  I know when to leave a situation alone and am still learning to allow God to push me into areas when the "tough" talks need to take place!  I do not put on a mask for people.  I'll be the first to admit I'm having a bad day and those who know me best know that this too shall pass and just let me ride it out!  I'm so OVER sugarcoating things.  It's not real, it's not me, and it's not right!  Truth and reality are always foremost!

Thanks for letting me vent a little and get my thoughts down on "paper"!  I was having a hard time sleeping as my mind was racing.  I pray God will reveal to me anything that I need to claim as my own, any wrong that needs to be made right, and what I just need to let GO!!!!  I know the truth, and not just from my perspective.  I will not let this ruffle my feathers and provide Satan a way to attack me.

Live confidently in reality and trust in who I am in Christ and what He has called me to say and do.  So here's to another day of truth-seeking and being released and set free!